Thursday, April 26, 2012

Music to inspire

As I said a few posts ago I'm aiming to finish my novel within three months. In order to do so I have to be inspired, lost in music so I slip into the world I'm writing about. This is going to be a rather short post because I'm supposed to be writing right now. ;)

I'll be naming a three bands that never fail to inspire me and a few random songs that are on my ipod and melt away reality and bring me into the world I'm writing about.

Number one on my list is...

Miike Snow

Not only did their first album get me through writing a novel, but their songs also help me control my anxiety attacks. So I adore them greatly for their unique songs and twist on music. There is no band like them they are one of a kind.

Album one-Miike Snow
Album Two-Happy to see you

Favorite song-In search of

Next is...


A rather new band. Who are also unique and one of a kind. Their songs are beautiful and really manage to pull me away from real life and into my novels. Their music videos are interesting and lovely in their own right.

They only have one album (I don't know the name)

Favorite song-This Momentary

Third is...

Ashbury Heights

They have around six albums. (way too many to name. I don't want to lose my song on my ipod right now)

Favorite song-Hope

Random songs

Sweet Dreams (Are made of this)- Emily Browning for SuckerPunch

 No light, No light-Florence + the machine

DJ ease my mind-Niki And the dove

Ready to go- Panic! At the disco

Shinku no fatalism-Kanon Wakeshima (I was lucky enough to see her preform live!)

So that's it for now. I'll be making a list of songs for each chapters later on once I have around ten chapters. Right now I'm only chapter two. So have fun writing.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012



It happens to everyone. I remember when I went through the first death in my family. It was my grandfather. Not only was I close to him but he raised me and my older brother while my parents were at work. I read a post by a old friend on FB today and she had lost someone (all I'm going to say. I don't feel comfortable saying anything else. I need to respect her.). It broke my heart and reminded me how precious life is. I remember my grandpa's death as if it were yesterday. It haunts me every January. It's a song that just wont leave your head and you can't stop singing it.

My grandpa was a very special, kind person. He had been awarded a purple heart in WW2 and helped my parents out with us while they worked hard, saving what little money they had so we could have a good childhood. One stress-free and magical. He was creative. Always building new things out of wood, fixing things we broke and always made me the best gifts. My two fondest gifts were a handcrafted (he made it himself) pink and white doll carriage with horse and a the most beautiful doll house, the wooden kind that were expensive. He and my mother found it at a Goodwell. It was the last gift he gave me. Sadly most of it started falling apart before he passed. I still have it, a project I'll save for my own children one day.

It all started with one phone call. No one normally called in the dead of night. It turned out my grandfather woke up with trouble breathing. That was the first time he went to the hospital. We were worried but there was no sign of death slowly inching it's way closer. He had been a smoker. His heart was effected. He was fine for a while until December. He was sent to the hospital by ambulance. I found out from another early morning call. This time I was awoken by my dad.

The firs time I saw him in a hospital bed felt horrible. I almost passed out. But he was alive. That was all that matter. Then...I was warned he might be dying. I was forced to go to school. And was soon called out. I remember another student saying "lucky" as I left. I wasn't lucky. That was Jan.9th. We picked up my cousin, Jon and my brother. My dad drove us, everyone quiet to the hospital. The same hospital I had been born in.

I was listening to Green Day. The drive had never seemed so long. When we got there we walked into a room full of family. My mom had ridden in the ambulance with my grandmother and grandfather. We were all watchful. But then my mom pulled me from the crowd and led me to his side.

I love you.

Were his last words to me. The hand he held was the hand in which was attached to the wrist I used to cut on. I had never felt guiltier knowing I had fresh wounds on my wrist while he held on so tightly to my hand. I had started to choke up and never got to tell him I loved him too. The night seemed so long. We went in and out of the room. I fell asleep in the waiting room where Uncle had also fallen asleep. By the time I woke up it was one and he was still alive. But he was sleeping. My dad finally decided it was best to take my brother and me home. He didn't want us seeing our grandfather die.

Although I had already felt like I had. It was five (I think) when my mom called. He was gone. He finally let go and passed away on January 10th. It was the first death I had ever been though. And it couldn't have happened at a worst time. I was depressed, bullied by my whole class. I lost my closet friends at my old school. I was wrecked. I learned how to fake a smile, to fake a laugh. I fooled a lot of people. His death hurt. He was such a great man. I wanted him to be there for my wedding, to meet the man who I'm deeply in love with. To stand by him and chat about the rain.

That same year I lost my best friend. A cat named Homer. I was alone. I had lost myself. I faced more deaths. But the one that impacted my life the most was the little girl I learned about when I was in sixth grade. I was thirteen. This scene is perfectly remembered in my mind. My grandpa had just dropped us off at our new house, my mom had just gotten off work and was in her room watching a LifeTime movie.

The movie was about a woman who lost her baby. My brother said "How would you know what that's like?" And to our surprise she said "Because I lost a baby." A sad story unraveled so quickly I felt numb. Too young to really understand. It didn't impact me.

Heather was born in Augusta and died a week later. She had been my parent's first child and my eldest sibling. I just never knew about her. She was born healthy. She wasn't a still born or had some sort of medical problem. She was beautiful. My mom took us to our grandparents house and showed us the pictures as proof.

  We look so much alike. Our lips are small and our eyes the same shape and color (blue-gray) even our noses are the same. I never understood why my parents were so overly protective. But when they told me that. Everything made sense. But the thing that made me sick was the fact no one had visited her grave in years. She was kept a secret. I hated that. It was around eighth grade when I started wanting to see her grave. To visit her, introduce myself as her sister. To make everything real.

She didn't really seem real to me until my great grandmother died. She was buried in the same cemetery as my sister. When everyone left we stayed a bit longer to search for her. We didn't find her. After that I went on my own searches, trying to find her before her birthday. But we were never able to. To this day I haven't been able to find that little grave. The one I so badly wanted to place pink roses on.

She's my light when the world is dark. I used to say that I was living for her. But then I realized that was just an excuse. I love her. Someday I'll be able to find her and visit her grave. All this talk about death is like a huge release for me. It hurts holding it in. But no one really understands my pain. At least that's what I thought until I met Nic. He lost his father and never questioned my drive for finding my sister's grave. He's become my light.

Death happens to everyone. The best thing to do is be open about it. Letting things dig deep into you and settling to the bottom of your heart hurts. It kills you inside. It did to me. I should have pushed my mom to get me someone to talk to. This girl on FB is brave. She's open about her worries. And I think it's time for me to be open about mine. I'm going to be open about my anxiety.

Stay strong. Whether it's a death of a animal or a family member or friend, stay strong. You can get though it. Just try. Remind yourself of the good times. Like when me and my grandfather stood and talked about rain. It was a memory only me and him shared. I keep it dear.

Strong strong, be brave. Be hopeful.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Three months

I don't want to be one of THOSE writers who write and write and enjoy writing so much it's all they really want to do but don't try to get published. They give up and have tons of novels and short stories and who knows what laying around on their computer for their eyes only. It's sad. I don't want to give up and be like that. Just another wannabe writer posting their works on DA so less than ten people can read it. Then, of course, steal the idea and make it their own.

I want to be someone who inspires. And like I've said to provide a place for teens to escape to. To paint a picture in words that so magical it inspires others to open their minds and be creative. But that's going to happen by sitting still. I think if all ten agents I queried say no I'll stop there and focus 100% on the two novels I'm writing now.

The Unnaturals is my main focus. It's a Urban Fantasy and I plan on it being around 70k in length. My deadline? I'm planning to finish this sucker within three months. Three months?!?! That's nothing.  I've finished a novel in one. So I should be able to do this is I write 2000 words per day. I already have a awesome hook for the query letter and synopsis so I'm really hoping this will be my break out novel if Promise Me can't hook a agent.

The other novel I'm working on (weekends only) is Insomnium. I just finished out lining this one and I'm really excited to write this one but it can't be rushed. And since the Unnaturals is more finished I'm putting all my attention on it.

The Unnaturals-6k

Don't give up on yourself.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Two down, Eight to go

So far two out of the ten agents has said no. I adore the fact they quickly said no, gave personal responses and got straight to the point. I was pleased and glad I had queried them. Whether or not it was a yes or no, didn't really matter. I was just glad they were very kind and didn't allow a long period of time for me to wait then crush my hopes by saying no.

Waiting a long time gets me some what hopeful. So I really like having the agents tell me no quickly rather than later.

This will be a pretty short post. I'm tired (coffee is wearing off) and I'm busy writing. Tomorrow I'll be sending out more query letters and hopefully I'll see a request for my full MS very soon. So for now I wait.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Here goes nothing, or everything.

Now that I've finally finished my synopsis and my query letter has been polished to the point it's so shiny I can't stop reading it, I'm ready to start sending out query letters. It's always a nerve racking time when you put yourself and your work on the line. But when you have nothing, it's really not too bad. I'm pretty excited this time around. My novel has been edited, my query letter (shiny!) and my synopsis has been finished and of course, looked over. I'm ready to go.

When I get ready to send out queries I always have to get myself calm and focused. You don't want to be all giddy and overly excited, thinking every single agent you send a query to is going to be like "OMGIWANTTHISNOVELNOW!" No...You need to calm down and focus. Act like an adult. Agents aren't going to bite your head off or anything. If they they say no, it's for the best. It just means your work doesn't interest them.

Wouldn't you rather have an agent be interested rather than dragging their feet on your project? I would want someone who's passionate about my project and what's to come from me. So if I get a ton of rejections I'll be okay because I know I'm just THAT much closer to finding that one person who's going to get my work on book shelves.

So if you are getting ready to send out queries keep in mind this. No is okay. Rejection is just a building block. You'll have to deal with it. All authors (even best sellers) do. So keep that pretty little head of yours up and get yourself some coffee, it might be a late night.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Reviews and cosplay

Are all being posted under my second blog just made for reviews and cosplay. Also lolita and steampunk. So please take a peak at it.

I'm still busy creating reviews since I'm trying to sell my camera and buy a smaller one I may be slow adding the new reviews.

The next review that will be posted is for Minkyshop (Rocking horse shoes)

Second blog-


I did it. I finally finished that evil synopsis. Boy do I feel great to have finished all that hard work. Now all I have to do is polish it, make it shiny, look over my query letter and change anything if it needs to be changed. Then send out my first query letter+synopsis. I'm starting to get nervous but I think what I'll do is send out a few test synopsis before I send it to the two agents I've been eying for who knows how long. I'll wait until I get a few replies back then suck it up and send it to them.

So wish me luck. I'll be needing it.

In other news (You so thought I was done) XD

I finally figured out the missing piece of my plot for my new project and third novel, the Unnaturals. This novel is a urban fantasy or a paranormal YA novel. I can't say much on it but the main character is a feisty girl with a powerful secret. Oh and the Grim Reaper lives in her room.

'Nuff said. ;)

Monday, April 16, 2012

Dealing with the lack of support

This is a topic I have yet to see written. Perhaps most authors have wonderful families that support their every move. For me, I am not so lucky. My parents (mainly my mother) go around saying very hurtful and negative things towards my goals and dream of being published. So this topic is just screaming to be written by me. So I'm going to try not to rush this post. Because If ind it very important for inspiring writers who are lacking the support they deserve.

Being a writer is a wonderful thing. Authors are not only role models but are hard workers that are able to inspire and change peoples' lives. What better than that? When I was depressed and was seeking a way out from being bullied round the clock I found myself digging deeper into novels, reading larger books and growing a wider range of books I was reading. I wanted to fade away into the books, to become one of the characters. It kept me alive. Giving me a place to run away to without having to deal with real people.

There is always one person who is willing to support you. For me it's my husband to be. He knows how much I put into my work and has seen how my mother complains about my writing. He listens to my rants, smooths my anger and helps me with editing. As long as I have him I don't need my parents to support me. Although it would be nice for them to take some interest in myself. It just wont happen any time soon.

If you don't have that one person perhaps you can find another way. I haven't tried this yet but I might be soon enough, leave when your working on your writing. Go to a library, a public area (that's safe of course. You don't need your laptop stolen or something.) that you can sit down and write without anyone bugging you.

Another good way (if you are brave enough) is to sit down with your parents or sibling/s and explain why it's important for them to support you in your interests. This might give you a chance to show them a sample of your work and show them just what you can do. If that doesn't work explain why it's important. Tell them about how getting published works. Maybe they don't understand the market. Just talk. It might work for you.

If you have friends they can be another good way to get things off your chest so you can write without having to be pissed off at someone else.

And if all fails. Just don't bring up your interests. Make them wonder, make them want to know what's going on. This works for my brother. I'll be trying it soon. Being sneaky isn't always the best and it's kind of rude but if your parents are as stubborn as mine, good luck is all I can say.

The evil and scary Synopsis

Synopsis. What a horrible word. It's basically summing up your whole novel in two to three pages. For me my novel is 100k+ words. It's not easy. I don't think it is for anyone. Nor is it fun. But after getting no replies from agents from just sending out a one page query letter, I've about had it. So I'm finally aiming all my attention towards this evil thing called a synopsis.

It's hard for me being this means I have to suck it up and finally send it to the agents I've been eying since I've finished my project (Promise Me) The one company is highly interested in paranormal YA novels and not only that but my favorite author and role model is apart of that amazing company. It's small and homey where the agent truly cares about his authors. I want that. But I'm very jittery about sending him my work.

Fear will be the end of me I swear. But I can't give up and I wont. I have too much on the line. I want to prove my worth to everyone. I CAN do this. I'm aiming towards a three page synopsis but I'm pretty sure it might end up two pages. Most agents say two-three pages so as long as it's more than one page, not rushed I believe it'll be okay.

Someone asked me what is the first thing I want to do once I'm published. I told them that I want to get married. We've been unable to get married because my lacking a job. Our wedding won't cost much since it'll be in my parent's backyard just like they did when they got married. I've always dreamed of it and I think once I'm published and have that first payment that's what I'll do. Besides that I want to help out my parents. And donate some new books to the library because that's where my love of reading bloomed.

And of course...

Inspire those who are turning to books in order to escape the real world. Because I've been one of those teens before. Books saved me from a lot of pain. I want to help someone too just like all those authors did for me.