Thoughts about the fifth

Tomorrow, well tonight at 11:59 P.M is when the contest closes. I'm super excited, my heart beats very fast whenever I start thinking about it. But I'm also nervous and shaky. I worked my ass off on rewriting my novel and I truly feel it is ready to be on book shelves. As I've said before this contest could open tons of doors into the literary world for me. But of course it'll also be very stressful in the months to come. I hate how the Quarterfinalists are announced the day before my 20th birthday. I do hope I make it that far and I get GOOD news on that day instead of bad. Cause boy would that suck.

Last night I finally started writing my latest novel, Insomnium. It's also a rewrite. I changed tons of things so it's basically a new novel. I also feel good about this novel even though I've only written 2,000 words right now. It's fresh, different. I hope everyone else will be interested in it too once it's ready. Which it is not...

I'm sitting at my desk listening to music and am wondering, is this it? Is this my time to shine finally? Will all my hard work finally get noticed and praised? I can only hope. I'm a dreamer. I like to think about everything that could happen and of course winning is one of those outcomes. If I did win, I'm not sure how I would react (most likely cry my ass off) or what I would do. I suppose I would tell my fiance first then my parents and then everyone else. Then sit down, take a few deep breaths, maybe go for a walk to calm down and blog about what I plan to do/what is going to happen, step by step.

As I write this I ponder who I would thank. Right now there is only one person in my life who enjoys my writing, who pushes me to do my best, who tells me to keep writing even if I don't catch an agent's eye. That person is the one who put the ring that sits on my finger. That person is my hope, my soul. Without him I'm not sure what I could. Where I would be. He's my sun and I'm his moon. Without each other we are both missing pieces too big to fill. Every book I write is for him (and of course the readers!) to thank him for all he's done for me. I may not be rich or have money to buy him thank you gifts. But I can do this small thing for him.

And maybe once I do get published he can open my novels and find his name written on the first page. What an awesome gift. I hope he thinks so too someday.

After the fifth we heard on the 23rd who are the lucky 2,000 who go on to the next round. I hope I'm one of those lucky souls. With my love supporting me through this, I couldn't ask for more. For now I can only sit here and wonder if my novel will make it. If it will inspire others.