It grows day by day and sits heavily on my chest, over my heart like a ton of rocks. Growing minute by minute every time I stop and think things over. I have too many ideas. Characters made, plots ready to be written. But instead of words flowing I become stuck in a rut of which to write, will this sell? Or be another mound that grows rejections.
Many good sources and noteworthy authors will tell you to write what you love, not what will sell. And I'm at the point in my life where all I can think about is getting some sort of income so I can finally put my dreams into action.
But the worry grows every time I sit down and write. I'm sitting here trying to outline and I'm wondering if I should just give up writing novels. But when I take a few deep breaths and really think, I mean REALLY think it over I realize giving up is still not worth it. Writing is my love. And I have to try. I'm always talking about doing your best and giving up.
But its hard when you've had over hundred rejections even through you rewrite and rewrite over and over and over and over and over....do you get it? It's a lot of work writing 300 page, 100,000 word novels. So giving up means throwing that hard work away. I've never worked so hard in my life and its about time I focus on it one hundred percent.
So I decided to give this unnamed novel another chance, since its a rewrite I'm starting to wonder if I should change that. Make it its own novel. Change it to the point its a brand new project. First I'm going to give it a new name. Second, change the plot and create something refreshing, new, interesting. To not only to me but to....
A beta reader. I've been wanting someone new to read over my work for a while. My hubby is good but will give it very little thought. Plus he's...well very busy and I need someone who's more of a avoid reader like myself. So I'm starting my search, hopefully a friend will step up and do it so I can have a trustworthy person I can meet in person rather then some stranger online who could be stealing my ideas to use for themselves.
So we'll see how it goes. Hopefully it will turn out good and I'll feel refreshed, ready to write!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Outling, Pros and cons
I normally don't like posting post after post but since I'm about to do a major outlining spree I thought it might be interesting for those who are in the same boat. I find outlining very important for many reasons. Here are some...
Pros
So those are just a few of the reason that I can think of right now. (Its past eleven and I'm a bit tired.) But anyway besides those here are some pros and cons of outlining. Of course remember just because your writing a novel, doesn't mean you have to outline. For the most part I outline my novels but during rewrites I normally don't. I go with the flow. In fact just because you have a outline doesn't mean you can't "go with the flow" and change something.
I can't really think of many cons because I find it fun to outline but those are just some that I thought might come up if speaking to someone who disagrees. So I'll go ahead and continue on. When I outline I make sure to do it by chapter or by events. You'll find doing both very useful when writing up a synopsis and query letter. The novel I'm working on now is one I've rewritten twice. So not only did I give it a complete make over but I'm also changing some the major plot events as well as a new title. But while I'm writing I'm finding myself all over the place, wondering what should come next so I'm leaning towards outlining this novel since the plot is new and the twists are major.
So in order to make sure I don't miss out on any of those hidden twists I'm planning it all out on paper. I love going back to read it anyway. Its a way of becoming inspired I suppose or motivated to keep going on wards towards getting this novel published. I stopped sending out queries for my other novel, Promise Me since agents don't seem to be interested in what goes bump in the night (werewolves) This novel is pretty different. I just hope I can manage writing it as I see it in my mind.
Pros
- Helps keep you within your word count goal
- Helps keep you from getting side tracked/ long winded on unimportant scenes
- If you get lost, it guides you
- Works wonders for writer's block
- Helps keep the plot strong
- Good to use when rewriting the project
So those are just a few of the reason that I can think of right now. (Its past eleven and I'm a bit tired.) But anyway besides those here are some pros and cons of outlining. Of course remember just because your writing a novel, doesn't mean you have to outline. For the most part I outline my novels but during rewrites I normally don't. I go with the flow. In fact just because you have a outline doesn't mean you can't "go with the flow" and change something.
Cons
- Takes lots of time
- Things might change as you write the chapter (Go with the flow!)
- Blocks the fun/creative process.
- You might not even use it!
- Waste of paper/time
I can't really think of many cons because I find it fun to outline but those are just some that I thought might come up if speaking to someone who disagrees. So I'll go ahead and continue on. When I outline I make sure to do it by chapter or by events. You'll find doing both very useful when writing up a synopsis and query letter. The novel I'm working on now is one I've rewritten twice. So not only did I give it a complete make over but I'm also changing some the major plot events as well as a new title. But while I'm writing I'm finding myself all over the place, wondering what should come next so I'm leaning towards outlining this novel since the plot is new and the twists are major.
So in order to make sure I don't miss out on any of those hidden twists I'm planning it all out on paper. I love going back to read it anyway. Its a way of becoming inspired I suppose or motivated to keep going on wards towards getting this novel published. I stopped sending out queries for my other novel, Promise Me since agents don't seem to be interested in what goes bump in the night (werewolves) This novel is pretty different. I just hope I can manage writing it as I see it in my mind.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Taking a break
Find a job is tough! So I'm going to focus on finding one for the next few weeks. I have another con coming up in September and the cosplay I want to buy will require a lot of money. So I have no choice but get a job and work, work, work. So I'm not going to be blogging as often for a while.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Music to inspire
As I said a few posts ago I'm aiming to finish my novel within three months. In order to do so I have to be inspired, lost in music so I slip into the world I'm writing about. This is going to be a rather short post because I'm supposed to be writing right now. ;)
I'll be naming a three bands that never fail to inspire me and a few random songs that are on my ipod and melt away reality and bring me into the world I'm writing about.
Number one on my list is...
Miike Snow
Not only did their first album get me through writing a novel, but their songs also help me control my anxiety attacks. So I adore them greatly for their unique songs and twist on music. There is no band like them they are one of a kind.
Album one-Miike Snow
Album Two-Happy to see you
Favorite song-In search of
Next is...
Delphic
A rather new band. Who are also unique and one of a kind. Their songs are beautiful and really manage to pull me away from real life and into my novels. Their music videos are interesting and lovely in their own right.
They only have one album (I don't know the name)
Favorite song-This Momentary
Third is...
Ashbury Heights
They have around six albums. (way too many to name. I don't want to lose my song on my ipod right now)
Favorite song-Hope
Random songs
Sweet Dreams (Are made of this)- Emily Browning for SuckerPunch
No light, No light-Florence + the machine
DJ ease my mind-Niki And the dove
Ready to go- Panic! At the disco
Shinku no fatalism-Kanon Wakeshima (I was lucky enough to see her preform live!)
So that's it for now. I'll be making a list of songs for each chapters later on once I have around ten chapters. Right now I'm only chapter two. So have fun writing.
I'll be naming a three bands that never fail to inspire me and a few random songs that are on my ipod and melt away reality and bring me into the world I'm writing about.
Number one on my list is...
Miike Snow
Not only did their first album get me through writing a novel, but their songs also help me control my anxiety attacks. So I adore them greatly for their unique songs and twist on music. There is no band like them they are one of a kind.
Album one-Miike Snow
Album Two-Happy to see you
Favorite song-In search of
Next is...
Delphic
A rather new band. Who are also unique and one of a kind. Their songs are beautiful and really manage to pull me away from real life and into my novels. Their music videos are interesting and lovely in their own right.
They only have one album (I don't know the name)
Favorite song-This Momentary
Third is...
Ashbury Heights
They have around six albums. (way too many to name. I don't want to lose my song on my ipod right now)
Favorite song-Hope
Random songs
Sweet Dreams (Are made of this)- Emily Browning for SuckerPunch
No light, No light-Florence + the machine
DJ ease my mind-Niki And the dove
Ready to go- Panic! At the disco
Shinku no fatalism-Kanon Wakeshima (I was lucky enough to see her preform live!)
So that's it for now. I'll be making a list of songs for each chapters later on once I have around ten chapters. Right now I'm only chapter two. So have fun writing.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Lose
Death.
It happens to everyone. I remember when I went through the first death in my family. It was my grandfather. Not only was I close to him but he raised me and my older brother while my parents were at work. I read a post by a old friend on FB today and she had lost someone (all I'm going to say. I don't feel comfortable saying anything else. I need to respect her.). It broke my heart and reminded me how precious life is. I remember my grandpa's death as if it were yesterday. It haunts me every January. It's a song that just wont leave your head and you can't stop singing it.
My grandpa was a very special, kind person. He had been awarded a purple heart in WW2 and helped my parents out with us while they worked hard, saving what little money they had so we could have a good childhood. One stress-free and magical. He was creative. Always building new things out of wood, fixing things we broke and always made me the best gifts. My two fondest gifts were a handcrafted (he made it himself) pink and white doll carriage with horse and a the most beautiful doll house, the wooden kind that were expensive. He and my mother found it at a Goodwell. It was the last gift he gave me. Sadly most of it started falling apart before he passed. I still have it, a project I'll save for my own children one day.
It all started with one phone call. No one normally called in the dead of night. It turned out my grandfather woke up with trouble breathing. That was the first time he went to the hospital. We were worried but there was no sign of death slowly inching it's way closer. He had been a smoker. His heart was effected. He was fine for a while until December. He was sent to the hospital by ambulance. I found out from another early morning call. This time I was awoken by my dad.
The firs time I saw him in a hospital bed felt horrible. I almost passed out. But he was alive. That was all that matter. Then...I was warned he might be dying. I was forced to go to school. And was soon called out. I remember another student saying "lucky" as I left. I wasn't lucky. That was Jan.9th. We picked up my cousin, Jon and my brother. My dad drove us, everyone quiet to the hospital. The same hospital I had been born in.
I was listening to Green Day. The drive had never seemed so long. When we got there we walked into a room full of family. My mom had ridden in the ambulance with my grandmother and grandfather. We were all watchful. But then my mom pulled me from the crowd and led me to his side.
I love you.
Were his last words to me. The hand he held was the hand in which was attached to the wrist I used to cut on. I had never felt guiltier knowing I had fresh wounds on my wrist while he held on so tightly to my hand. I had started to choke up and never got to tell him I loved him too. The night seemed so long. We went in and out of the room. I fell asleep in the waiting room where Uncle had also fallen asleep. By the time I woke up it was one and he was still alive. But he was sleeping. My dad finally decided it was best to take my brother and me home. He didn't want us seeing our grandfather die.
Although I had already felt like I had. It was five (I think) when my mom called. He was gone. He finally let go and passed away on January 10th. It was the first death I had ever been though. And it couldn't have happened at a worst time. I was depressed, bullied by my whole class. I lost my closet friends at my old school. I was wrecked. I learned how to fake a smile, to fake a laugh. I fooled a lot of people. His death hurt. He was such a great man. I wanted him to be there for my wedding, to meet the man who I'm deeply in love with. To stand by him and chat about the rain.
That same year I lost my best friend. A cat named Homer. I was alone. I had lost myself. I faced more deaths. But the one that impacted my life the most was the little girl I learned about when I was in sixth grade. I was thirteen. This scene is perfectly remembered in my mind. My grandpa had just dropped us off at our new house, my mom had just gotten off work and was in her room watching a LifeTime movie.
The movie was about a woman who lost her baby. My brother said "How would you know what that's like?" And to our surprise she said "Because I lost a baby." A sad story unraveled so quickly I felt numb. Too young to really understand. It didn't impact me.
Heather was born in Augusta and died a week later. She had been my parent's first child and my eldest sibling. I just never knew about her. She was born healthy. She wasn't a still born or had some sort of medical problem. She was beautiful. My mom took us to our grandparents house and showed us the pictures as proof.
We look so much alike. Our lips are small and our eyes the same shape and color (blue-gray) even our noses are the same. I never understood why my parents were so overly protective. But when they told me that. Everything made sense. But the thing that made me sick was the fact no one had visited her grave in years. She was kept a secret. I hated that. It was around eighth grade when I started wanting to see her grave. To visit her, introduce myself as her sister. To make everything real.
She didn't really seem real to me until my great grandmother died. She was buried in the same cemetery as my sister. When everyone left we stayed a bit longer to search for her. We didn't find her. After that I went on my own searches, trying to find her before her birthday. But we were never able to. To this day I haven't been able to find that little grave. The one I so badly wanted to place pink roses on.
She's my light when the world is dark. I used to say that I was living for her. But then I realized that was just an excuse. I love her. Someday I'll be able to find her and visit her grave. All this talk about death is like a huge release for me. It hurts holding it in. But no one really understands my pain. At least that's what I thought until I met Nic. He lost his father and never questioned my drive for finding my sister's grave. He's become my light.
Death happens to everyone. The best thing to do is be open about it. Letting things dig deep into you and settling to the bottom of your heart hurts. It kills you inside. It did to me. I should have pushed my mom to get me someone to talk to. This girl on FB is brave. She's open about her worries. And I think it's time for me to be open about mine. I'm going to be open about my anxiety.
Stay strong. Whether it's a death of a animal or a family member or friend, stay strong. You can get though it. Just try. Remind yourself of the good times. Like when me and my grandfather stood and talked about rain. It was a memory only me and him shared. I keep it dear.
Strong strong, be brave. Be hopeful.
It happens to everyone. I remember when I went through the first death in my family. It was my grandfather. Not only was I close to him but he raised me and my older brother while my parents were at work. I read a post by a old friend on FB today and she had lost someone (all I'm going to say. I don't feel comfortable saying anything else. I need to respect her.). It broke my heart and reminded me how precious life is. I remember my grandpa's death as if it were yesterday. It haunts me every January. It's a song that just wont leave your head and you can't stop singing it.
My grandpa was a very special, kind person. He had been awarded a purple heart in WW2 and helped my parents out with us while they worked hard, saving what little money they had so we could have a good childhood. One stress-free and magical. He was creative. Always building new things out of wood, fixing things we broke and always made me the best gifts. My two fondest gifts were a handcrafted (he made it himself) pink and white doll carriage with horse and a the most beautiful doll house, the wooden kind that were expensive. He and my mother found it at a Goodwell. It was the last gift he gave me. Sadly most of it started falling apart before he passed. I still have it, a project I'll save for my own children one day.
It all started with one phone call. No one normally called in the dead of night. It turned out my grandfather woke up with trouble breathing. That was the first time he went to the hospital. We were worried but there was no sign of death slowly inching it's way closer. He had been a smoker. His heart was effected. He was fine for a while until December. He was sent to the hospital by ambulance. I found out from another early morning call. This time I was awoken by my dad.
The firs time I saw him in a hospital bed felt horrible. I almost passed out. But he was alive. That was all that matter. Then...I was warned he might be dying. I was forced to go to school. And was soon called out. I remember another student saying "lucky" as I left. I wasn't lucky. That was Jan.9th. We picked up my cousin, Jon and my brother. My dad drove us, everyone quiet to the hospital. The same hospital I had been born in.
I was listening to Green Day. The drive had never seemed so long. When we got there we walked into a room full of family. My mom had ridden in the ambulance with my grandmother and grandfather. We were all watchful. But then my mom pulled me from the crowd and led me to his side.
I love you.
Were his last words to me. The hand he held was the hand in which was attached to the wrist I used to cut on. I had never felt guiltier knowing I had fresh wounds on my wrist while he held on so tightly to my hand. I had started to choke up and never got to tell him I loved him too. The night seemed so long. We went in and out of the room. I fell asleep in the waiting room where Uncle had also fallen asleep. By the time I woke up it was one and he was still alive. But he was sleeping. My dad finally decided it was best to take my brother and me home. He didn't want us seeing our grandfather die.
Although I had already felt like I had. It was five (I think) when my mom called. He was gone. He finally let go and passed away on January 10th. It was the first death I had ever been though. And it couldn't have happened at a worst time. I was depressed, bullied by my whole class. I lost my closet friends at my old school. I was wrecked. I learned how to fake a smile, to fake a laugh. I fooled a lot of people. His death hurt. He was such a great man. I wanted him to be there for my wedding, to meet the man who I'm deeply in love with. To stand by him and chat about the rain.
That same year I lost my best friend. A cat named Homer. I was alone. I had lost myself. I faced more deaths. But the one that impacted my life the most was the little girl I learned about when I was in sixth grade. I was thirteen. This scene is perfectly remembered in my mind. My grandpa had just dropped us off at our new house, my mom had just gotten off work and was in her room watching a LifeTime movie.
The movie was about a woman who lost her baby. My brother said "How would you know what that's like?" And to our surprise she said "Because I lost a baby." A sad story unraveled so quickly I felt numb. Too young to really understand. It didn't impact me.
Heather was born in Augusta and died a week later. She had been my parent's first child and my eldest sibling. I just never knew about her. She was born healthy. She wasn't a still born or had some sort of medical problem. She was beautiful. My mom took us to our grandparents house and showed us the pictures as proof.
We look so much alike. Our lips are small and our eyes the same shape and color (blue-gray) even our noses are the same. I never understood why my parents were so overly protective. But when they told me that. Everything made sense. But the thing that made me sick was the fact no one had visited her grave in years. She was kept a secret. I hated that. It was around eighth grade when I started wanting to see her grave. To visit her, introduce myself as her sister. To make everything real.
She didn't really seem real to me until my great grandmother died. She was buried in the same cemetery as my sister. When everyone left we stayed a bit longer to search for her. We didn't find her. After that I went on my own searches, trying to find her before her birthday. But we were never able to. To this day I haven't been able to find that little grave. The one I so badly wanted to place pink roses on.
She's my light when the world is dark. I used to say that I was living for her. But then I realized that was just an excuse. I love her. Someday I'll be able to find her and visit her grave. All this talk about death is like a huge release for me. It hurts holding it in. But no one really understands my pain. At least that's what I thought until I met Nic. He lost his father and never questioned my drive for finding my sister's grave. He's become my light.
Death happens to everyone. The best thing to do is be open about it. Letting things dig deep into you and settling to the bottom of your heart hurts. It kills you inside. It did to me. I should have pushed my mom to get me someone to talk to. This girl on FB is brave. She's open about her worries. And I think it's time for me to be open about mine. I'm going to be open about my anxiety.
Stay strong. Whether it's a death of a animal or a family member or friend, stay strong. You can get though it. Just try. Remind yourself of the good times. Like when me and my grandfather stood and talked about rain. It was a memory only me and him shared. I keep it dear.
Strong strong, be brave. Be hopeful.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Three months
I don't want to be one of THOSE writers who write and write and enjoy writing so much it's all they really want to do but don't try to get published. They give up and have tons of novels and short stories and who knows what laying around on their computer for their eyes only. It's sad. I don't want to give up and be like that. Just another wannabe writer posting their works on DA so less than ten people can read it. Then, of course, steal the idea and make it their own.
I want to be someone who inspires. And like I've said to provide a place for teens to escape to. To paint a picture in words that so magical it inspires others to open their minds and be creative. But that's going to happen by sitting still. I think if all ten agents I queried say no I'll stop there and focus 100% on the two novels I'm writing now.
The Unnaturals is my main focus. It's a Urban Fantasy and I plan on it being around 70k in length. My deadline? I'm planning to finish this sucker within three months. Three months?!?! That's nothing. I've finished a novel in one. So I should be able to do this is I write 2000 words per day. I already have a awesome hook for the query letter and synopsis so I'm really hoping this will be my break out novel if Promise Me can't hook a agent.
The other novel I'm working on (weekends only) is Insomnium. I just finished out lining this one and I'm really excited to write this one but it can't be rushed. And since the Unnaturals is more finished I'm putting all my attention on it.
The Unnaturals-6k
Don't give up on yourself.
I want to be someone who inspires. And like I've said to provide a place for teens to escape to. To paint a picture in words that so magical it inspires others to open their minds and be creative. But that's going to happen by sitting still. I think if all ten agents I queried say no I'll stop there and focus 100% on the two novels I'm writing now.
The Unnaturals is my main focus. It's a Urban Fantasy and I plan on it being around 70k in length. My deadline? I'm planning to finish this sucker within three months. Three months?!?! That's nothing. I've finished a novel in one. So I should be able to do this is I write 2000 words per day. I already have a awesome hook for the query letter and synopsis so I'm really hoping this will be my break out novel if Promise Me can't hook a agent.
The other novel I'm working on (weekends only) is Insomnium. I just finished out lining this one and I'm really excited to write this one but it can't be rushed. And since the Unnaturals is more finished I'm putting all my attention on it.
The Unnaturals-6k
Don't give up on yourself.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Two down, Eight to go
So far two out of the ten agents has said no. I adore the fact they quickly said no, gave personal responses and got straight to the point. I was pleased and glad I had queried them. Whether or not it was a yes or no, didn't really matter. I was just glad they were very kind and didn't allow a long period of time for me to wait then crush my hopes by saying no.
Waiting a long time gets me some what hopeful. So I really like having the agents tell me no quickly rather than later.
This will be a pretty short post. I'm tired (coffee is wearing off) and I'm busy writing. Tomorrow I'll be sending out more query letters and hopefully I'll see a request for my full MS very soon. So for now I wait.
Waiting a long time gets me some what hopeful. So I really like having the agents tell me no quickly rather than later.
This will be a pretty short post. I'm tired (coffee is wearing off) and I'm busy writing. Tomorrow I'll be sending out more query letters and hopefully I'll see a request for my full MS very soon. So for now I wait.
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