Not going to back down

When things become tough for me, my first thought is normally "Why me?" Or "Why is this happening right when things are going so well?" Yes, things are tough right now but I know that there are people in this world who are going through much tougher situations. Inside I want to scream and bitch, but I'm not going to. I've been through way worse and in the end as long as I have my loving, trustworthy fiance and my family and beloved pets I'm pretty sure everything will be okay. It hurts me a lot right now about whats going on. I don't want to complain or be negative that's not who I am anymore. Instead I'm going to look on the bright side. Things happen for a reason and maybe this wasn't the job for me. I have learned a lot from it. I can use what I've learned and find a better job. Hopefully that will be before April so we can still get married.


When I become distraught like this its hard to focus. It doesn't help nothing is going to plan. I can't surprise my parents with holiday gifts, nor my fiance. I may not be happy and I might become down in the dumps but at least I know better to put myself down like I used to. I've grown this last few years. Learning, asking questions, becoming braver, I have to push forward not backwards.


Bad moods always make me rethink my writing projects. I look back at other ones I've half written and think "This one was the one..." But I don't want to stop half way again. So I'm going to push with all my might to get this novel down. Plus, writing can be a great distraction, you know? It's calming to get lost in your own words as paragraph by paragraph become a story, as you put yourself in your character's shoes, see life through another set of eyes. It's enjoyable.

I don't think I'll write tonight though. Instead I think I'll do some research, maybe find something to inspire me. Oh! In fact my fiance bought a awesome video game for me. It's called Guide Wars 2, have any of you played it? It's so amazing. Everything from the creatures from the scenery, I can't get enough of it. It's great at taking away my worries too.


For now I am going to try harder. To push myself to my limit. Learn all I can and never give up. And you should do the same. Why not start the new year with a fresh start? This will be my promise to myself. I will finish this novel. I will find a good firm job. I will get married. And if all fails. At least I've learned some very important life choices.